My newest guest blogger is 25 lbs of trouble and has a penchant for anything related to toilets. Here is a peek at an average day in the life of my little Baby Girl... 8:30am Wake Up
8:32am Realize I am not even sleeping in pajamas, just a regular outfit. Mommy must be way behind on laundry.
8:33am I am going to take my pants off. And, I think it's probably a really good idea to remove my diaper.
8:40am Nobody has noticed that I'm awake so I think I will stand up and pee in my crib.
8:43am That was so cool so now I am going to pee on my blankets too.
8:55am It is really starting to smell in here. I am going to start making my "squawk" noise and draw some attention to myself.
8:57am Here come my brothers!!!! I will pretend I'm asleep and then throw pacifiers at their heads.
9:00am For some reason they are yelling. I can just barely make out what they are saying. Something like, "Mommy!!!! Sage peed all over her crib! She really, really stinks!"
9:01am Mommy is here! I am excited to see her, but I am just going to narrow my eyes and glare at her. And why is she acting like all these pee puddles in my crib are not awesome!?
9:15am The Brothers are still here so I guess we have no school today. I am totally going to impress them with my extensive bathroom knowledge.
9:22am I am so thirsty. I guess I will just stand by the fridge and scream "miiiilllllkkkkk" and work up some tears too just to make sure Mommy drops whatever she is doing and focuses on ME.
9:41am I just realized that Mommy is on the phone with the cable company. "Hey Brothers! Let's run laps around the first floor screaming as loud as we can! I'll start! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"
10:03am Mommy is still on the phone with the cable company and has locked herself in the laundry room. This is the perfect time for me to take my pants and diaper off again and work on going potty!
10:10am Oops. I guess I didn't make it very far. Well, the kitchen floor is sort of close to the bathroom. Is that my poop on the ground? That's weird-looking. I have got to get a closer look at this stuff.
10:12am My biggest brother is running toward me telling me not to grab the poop or something!? I can't totally understand what he is saying. Hmmm. I will just put this little poop-lette in my mouth just in case somebody tries to take it away from me.
10:15am Okay, now everyone is screaming and Mommy is pressing the phone against her ear and trying to rinse my whole face off in the sink. This is weird, but kind of cool too.
10:24am Mommy is saying we have to leave for the dentist. My brothers are in their pajamas. I am naked.
10:30am I am so sick of Mommy putting clothes on me! I think I will just lay on the floor and scream for a while.
10:45am Somehow we roll into the dentist's office on time. I can't wait to play while my brothers get their teeth checked!
10:50am Wait. They are saying my name! I am going back there? Are you kidding me! This is ridiculous! I'm a baby, people! Well, the only thing I can do is scream as loud as possible.
10:53am It's not working. And Mommy is telling the dentist that I tried to eat my own poop this morning. Everyone is laughing and cringing. I knew that was genius.
11:30am Well, I survived the dentist. I'm obviously never doing that again. Where are we? Sweet! Kroger! The only place I get to drive my own car!
11:37am I love Aisle 5, there is a ton of candy here. And Mommy has been reading an ingredient list for like 5 minutes so I am just going to grab a few things for the road.
11:59am Uh oh. We already checked out but now we are going back to the counter and wait! Mommy is saying something about me being a thief!? Something about "these redheads"!? No!!!! Don't take my candy! Don't take my candy! Why?!?!? Why?!?!? What did I do????
12:01pm I think I will just scream as loud as I can all the way to the car. And when I get in there I will probably try to get these clothes off somehow.
12:15pm Mommy is making lunch so this is the perfect time for me to head back to the bathroom and check on a few things.
12:17pm So, no one else thinks putting things in the toilet is as cool as I do. And if Mommy tries to put clothes on me again, I am going to throw myself on the hardwood!
12:20pm Mommy is trying to get everybody to eat carrots for lunch again. Fail. When will she learn? I will probably just take these carrots and put them in the toilet in a few minutes.
1:01pm Since I'm so mad that my Mommy is making me wear pajamas to take a nap, I think I will just dump some milk on the couch and rub it in.
3:45pm I'm awake!!!!!!!! And ready to play!!!!
3:57pm Ugh. Everybody is reading or doing homework and boring stuff. I am going to just move a bunch of boxes around to try to get to those knives Mommy doesn't want me to touch on the counter.
4:00pm Mommy keeps telling me "NO!" So, I am just going to lay on the floor and cry for awhile.
4:37pm Mommy doesn't think anything I do is cool! Now she is telling me to get off the table so I think I will just start snoring and pretend that I'm asleep.
6:09pm Daddy is home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is what I'm talkin about! That guy is awesome! He seriously never, ever yells at me and gets me whatever I want.
6:15pm This is the best part of the day! I get to run around with my brothers to "Hearts on Fire" from Rocky IV! I am going to take my shirt off just like my brothers.
6:21pm Well, since I already have my shirt off I might as well take off my pants and roll them into a ball and shove them in this fake plant. Now, for that pesky diaper.
6:30pm Well, I've got my diaper off and nobody really seems to notice how awesome I am. Bummer. Hmmm, come to think of it, I think I have to poop again...
6:32pm How cool is this?! I just caught my own poop in my hand! I have got to go show everybody! "Mama! Daddy! Parrrrkkker! Chachi! Poopy!!!!!!"
6:33pm Now everyone is screaming. Even Daddy. Is that good or bad?
7:33pm Well, now we are all putting pajamas on. Which is terrible because I can't really get out of these pajamas in case I feel like peeing or pooping on the floor or something. Ugh.
7:45pm My brothers are whining about going to bed. I don't see what the big deal is!? This is when I convince my Daddy to rock me and hold me for a long time.
8:00pm Mommy is sitting on the floor and sort of staring at the wall. Maybe we really should all go to bed. I am going to walk over to her and lay my head on her shoulder.
8:01pm "I love you Sage, " she says and kisses my cheeks. I love it when she does that.
8:10 I think I will let Mommy take me up and rock me tonight. She does have some pretty good songs and is super-good at cleaning up poop and stuff. And she smells good too. Good night folks. I have to get plenty of sleep so I can do this all again tomorrow.
Sage Genevieve is an almost-2-year-old little girl living and writing in Carmel, Indiana. She loves horsies and doggies, her family, causing trouble, stealing things, and being really cute.